“The greatest act of loving another person is letting go and wishing for their happiness regardless of satisfying you.”
How ironic that I would see that on Baggage Reclaims Twitter today.
I have been holding onto a great deal of anger against a specific someone lately and when he tried to apologize yesterday I ended up getting angrier and, well, biting his head off as if I was praying mantis. I wouldn’t have minded shoving the knife a little deeper in his heart and explaining in great detail all the reasons I never wanted to hear from him again but I knew keeping it short and sweet was even more painful. Yep, I stopped and thought about how I could hurt someone the most – and then acted on it.
And about 12 hours later I felt horrible. Completely horrible.
I can be blunt and I can be rude and I can rip someone’s heart out, but I don’t intentionally try to make him or her feel worse while I’m doing it. If someone screws up, I call him or her out on it. But what they may not realize is that I am usually holding back many more comments that are going through my head but I don’t allow to come out my mouth. (Scary to think that I can be even meaner than you think I am, I know)
But yesterday I didn’t hold back. And then I had to apologize. Ugh that sucked. And I allowed him to explain his reasoning for his actions, which I then countered (nicely) that those still don’t excuse the behavior, but thank your explaining the other side of the story. I explained that what I needed was simply no contact. That I had moved on and that for my own reasons I could not remain friends with this person. But, I wished him the best and true happiness wherever it is that he may find it. And I even meant it.
How many times do we go about trying to control a situation or a person for our own satisfaction? Whether it’s chasing after an ex because we think they are perfect for us and vice versa, or maybe it’s lying about something because we don’t want to face the music for our actions (thereby taking away someone else’s right to make their own choices because they don’t have all the facts).
What happened to love? In both these situations we are not loving the other person. We are trying to control them. We are trying to force the outcome of their life (even if we think we have good intentions) by telling ourselves that we know what is best for them. Or maybe we think it’s best for us so screw what is best for them.
Real love means being willing to let go. It means full disclosure. It means no lying. It means no cheating. It means walking away when someone tells us no.
When people cheat and then lie about it, they are doing it because they don’t want to face the consequences of their actions. Then they tell themselves it was just one time and it won’t happen again so there is no need to tell their partner. Here they are taking away their partner’s choices. If you love them, you need to be willing to tell the truth and allow them to make whatever choice with it that they feel is best for them. When we drink too much alcohol and blame the cheating on that, we are lying to ourselves and them. I know for a fact it is possible to get completely wasted and stay faithful to your partner even if they are out of town and you are surrounded by many good looking and willing people.
When we chase after someone, we are not only making fools of ourselves and showing that we have no respect for ourselves, we are saying we don’t have respect for them. You don’t truly love someone if you can’t respect their decisions.
When we allow someone to use us, we again don’t respect ourselves or them. Do you really respect someone that was willing to take off their clothes for a one-night stand – even if you’ve had “multiple one night stands” with them? Do you respect yourself or them if you are so willing to take off your clothes when the opportunity arises?
The problem for most women is we equate sex with love. Most men equate sex with sex. Just because he sleeps with you doesn’t mean he loves you and sure as heck doesn’t mean the relationship is getting mended or that he wants to be in a relationship with you. And if you really loved him, you wouldn’t allow him to participate in self-destructive behavior with you.
For all those out there who say they are doing XYZ in the name of love, you may want to strongly consider what your definition of love is.