‘In a Relationship’ with Myself

24 Apr

in a relationship with myself

This guy thinks you’re too girly because of the way you dress up for work occasionally or because you sometimes wear jewelry. That guy thinks you’re too much of a tomboy because you like trucks, four wheelers, flip flops and torn jeans.

This guy thinks you’re too emotional because you want to know where your relationship stands. That guy thinks you’re too cold hearted because you’d rather sleep than have another draining emotional conversation.

This guy thinks you rely on him too much because you need him to hang the pictures on the wall straight. That guy thinks you’re too independent because when you have a problem, you first try to fix it instead of asking for his help.

This guy thinks you’re a prude because you don’t like people who get trashed and cheat on their boyfriend/girlfriend etc. That guy hates the way you can curse him out like a sailor.

This guy thinks you’re too soft on your kids. That guy thinks you’re a drill sergeant.

This guy thinks you spend too much money. That guys thinks you’re too much of a penny pincher.

This guy thinks you wear too much make up. That guy thinks you should dress up more often.

I think they can all go to hell if they can’t accept me the way I am.

Baggage Reclaim says: “We often think that we need a person or an object to be happy – we don’t. You won’t experience real happiness until you not only love and take of yourself unconditionally, but you make yourself responsible for your own happiness.”

We get so caught up in the drama of being in a relationship with someone, that we forget to focus on who we are and build our lives and our destiny for the purpose of our own happiness.

I have long been accused, and readily admitted, that I am happier in a committed relationship. But recently I have begun to understand that I need to be in a relationship with myself. I came to this conclusion when I changed my Facebook status to ‘In a Relationship.’ I did it because, yes I am dating, but I’m not dating anyone in particular anymore. Though I found that ‘single’ gets you in a lot of trouble. It’s interesting how ‘I’m not interested’ is construed as a personal insult to some men but ‘I’m in a relationship’ is perfectly acceptable.

So is there someone I like, yes there is. But is he my ex boyfriend, someone new, an old friend? You’ll never know and the reason is because I’ve decided to focus on being in a relationship with myself. I still like dating, I’m just not sure that I can handle another decision maker in my life until I figure out what I want in my life. So I’ve had to put everyone on the “friend level.” If you can’t be my friend, then you definitely can’t be in a relationship with me.

And that is when I realized that I need to be a friend to myself. We’ve all heard it before, love yourself before you can love someone else.

Long ago I forgave myself for all the sins that are still talked about at the family reunions that I don’t attend. We all have skeletons in the closet, I’m just a little more open about some of mine and I admit that I don’t like being alone. And even more shocking to some is that I’m ok with that understanding of myself. But I’m not okay with being in a relationship just to be in one because then I end up dating Mr. Unavailables instead of focusing on my own unavailability.

So what does it mean to be ‘In a Relationship’ with yourself?

Read here: 100 Tips for Improving Self-Esteem.

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Posted by on April 24, 2011 in Relationships & Personal Growth


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