I never understood why my mom and older siblings would say things like: “If your dad ever passed away” or “If my marriage didn’t work” … “I’d never do it again.”
Huh? But being in love is the greatest feeling on Earth, isn’t it?! Remember as children we romanticized about Prince Charming and how he’d rescue us and take us far far away? As a little girl, I dreamed of ball gowns and dancing and that handsome dark-haired man who would sweep me off my feet. As I got a little older it changed to a tall, hat-wearing, truck-driving cowboy with an accent and that castle turned into a little country house with a white picket fence. When I became a single mom it was a guy who would work hard and for heavens sake, please please just get up with the children one night so I could get some rest!!
Now the children are a little older – still hard but we’ve gotten into a nice routine the last three years. I think about having a man in my house again: throwing his clothes on the floor instead of in the hamper, leaving the toilet seat up (I’ve even trained my children not to do that), dirty dishes in the sink, beer cans on the entertainment center, staying up wondering why he didn’t come home after work, compromising, watching what and where I spend my money, having to answer to someone where I spent my money and why, and what if he doesn’t like the way I decorate my house or how I discipline my children? What if I get angry with him and I go into mom-mode and treat him like a child? What if my expectations are so high I will never find a man who can live up to them?
Wow, that sounds like a lot of work for a woman who is already tired at the end of the day from work, children, homework, cooking, house cleaning, bill paying, errand running, etc etc etc.
Maybe single doesn’t sound so bad.
And then I lay down on my very large California King size bed that I detest more than anything else in my home and I think, “Wouldn’t it be nice to be in love? To have someone to go on vacations with? To have someone here after work? To know that someone thinks I’m beautiful even when it’s 4 a.m.? To hold someone while I’m sleeping or watching movies? Wouldn’t it be nice to know that I don’t have to do it all alone?”